Shorty got low, low, low

I know what you are thinking…another disaster story. It’s funny though, because I consider myself extremely fortunate in my first date scenarios. I have met some really nice guys. Sure the dates might have been extremely awkward, but most of the time we get along great, it just doesn’t work out on some level. I still talk to the majority of them, some have even read my blog. So I decided to write about my first tinder date that took place much earlier in the year.

I swiped right to a guy, his face was extremely drawn and he looked extremely serious. Not the type that I usually go for, but he did have dark features and a beard, so of course I swiped right. We spoke every now and then for a few weeks, before we exchanged phone numbers. He seemed bright (translation – he could spell), it seemed that he was really fun and not serious at all, which was strange considering his pics. He was an adult, which usually scares me, he owns his house, he is a senior analyst at one of the 4 major banks, he has a cute dog and is tight with his family. On paper he is kicking the shit out of life. I was nervous about meeting this guy. He planned our date, which is always a good sign. I like when a guy knows where he wants to take you and what you are going to do. So we would have a relaxed Sunday sesh down Chapel Street (even though Carlton was playing and he was meant to go to the game). So far great signs that he decent guy and I was really keen to meet him. I told him, I’m not the skinniest of girls and he told me he wasn’t the tallest. I was relieved that I told him that, but I guess everyone has things that they are worried about.

I went to my friend’s pub beforehand and had something to eat and a few drinks for courage. I was still extremely nervous that I got there early and walked around the block a couple of times. He told me that he was a couple of minutes away, so I waited out of the front of the bar and he came up to me by surprise and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Ok I will be totally honest with you, I was taken aback with exactly how short he was. He was probably 3-4 inches shorter than me and I am roughly 5’6. I really liked his voice, it was fun, playful and cheeky. He was dressed extremely well, he was wearing a nice shirt, freshly shaved head, his beard was manicured and he smelled delicious. His face lit up when we were sitting across from each other, pints in hand. He made me feel really shy, I have no idea why. We had a playful conversation and the cider was helping me loosen up a bit. He was hilarious, he would put on voices when he would tell me stories about his friends. After a while he decided that he wanted something to eat. I told him that I wasn’t hungry and then he had me in tears, telling me that he wasn’t going to be that guy who ate a pizza on a date by himself, incorporating what he would tell other people, etc. So instead he got chips and more drinks because surely I could have some of them. He was friendly with the bar chick and that impressed me too. So far this date was going really well. About 10 minutes into the date he declared that he was going to ‘smash me’, he was being playful and it wasn’t aggressive, as he was biting his lip. In some weird way it was kind of a hot game. So we would continue talking and he would bring it up again. I would say “who do you think you are?” We both seemed intrigued and I was wondering where the hell this guy got the balls to talk to a girl like that. He told me that there was something about me that was extremely sexy. I blushed and tried to put my most confident approach forward. We downed a few pints and then he took me over the road to Oriental Tea House for us to sober up. His face was always so bright when he was looking at me. But as soon as I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom, his face would change into the serious face from his pics. I decided that this must be his threatening game face because of his height and he wanted to be taken seriously. He hated the tea house as he wanted coffee and cake, I thought this was hilarious. We decided that we would go for a drive, so we could hang out alone. Walking beside him was the only time, that I thought about the height thing, sitting made it “ain’t no thang”. We were playing the driving game of left and right. While we were stopped at the lights he grabbed me for our first kiss. It was hot, he loved my flowing hair and would pull me to him with it, like he had to have me. There was something really sexy about him. We ended up pulling over somewhere and making out in the car for a while, before he dropped me back to my car. He waited for me to get in it, before he left.

Ok so this guy was a pocket rocket. Extremely confident and driven. He excelled in every area where he could, there is nothing he could do about his height. I know that height is a big thing for a lot of women, but I figure if everything else is going for him, we can always afford a handyman or buy a ladder if I need to, because he is a great guy in the things that he can change.

The next time I saw him, I was driving home from a friend’s house and he was at the strippers. So of course, the taxi driver I am, offered to pick him up. He had been a bucks party, was blind and was going into great detail when I picked him up about the price of a lap dance and he was not into it. He assured me that the bulge in his pants was all me and how sexy I am. I somehow did not believe him. We laughed all the way back to my house and I embraced holding his arm in the dark, not worrying about his height because he was hilarious. We drank more wine and he had to be at his Dad’s by 4am to watch a world cup game. So after the hair pulling we had about an hour of sleep and then made the journey back to his car…in my car that barely moved. He was horrified that my car was still working and was so sure that we would break down before we made it to his car that was parked at the train station. His Dad was angry that he was so late and barely spoke to his late and probably still drunk son.

Things didn’t really progress, but he is always good for my self esteem, he always tells me how sexy I am and are both in hysterics when we are around each other. I feel extremely comfortable around him and I think he feels the same so it is nice when do catch up. I still see him every now and then, we hang out, drink coffee and make out in his car. Last time this happened, I lost my phone in the car, so I made him ring me. He turned the phone away from me, which made me wonder what he was hiding. Sure enough my friend the good little Mumma’s boy had saved me under Brian Bridie, because his Mum sometimes goes through his phone. I don’t think he was impressed when I rolled out of the car laughing and insisted that he called me BB.

Every girl needs these men she can rely on to make out with when they want, I mean who doesn’t love making out and making more male friends 😉 I can hear my friends already shuddering at that comment as on a weekly basis I get told that I have enough friends and if I’m not going to date them to get rid of them, but hey that’s just not me :p and it’s most definitely part of my charm haha.


Nice guys finish last…in this case anyway :/

A few weeks ago, I took the great journey up to the top deck of the MCG where I joined a crowd of 70,000 people and took my seat in the nosebleed section. As I sat down, I got a shiver and saw a ghost. To the right of me, through the crowd, I spotted my ex boyfriend. He was sitting with a girl and some friends. In my fantasy, the girl is his girlfriend and he is happy. I send him a birthday message every year, for the last two years he has not responded and that is ok, I still send them. Until now, I did not know if he still had the same number that I had. I thought I would see, by sending him a message and then see if he would pull out his phone or look around. He took out his phone and began rubbing his neck, he looked stressed at the message I had sent. So far this was not going as I had planned. After a few minutes of him looking around we finally made eye contact and we nodded at each other. He looked so sad to see me, that my heart broke all over again, for him. I had hoped that he would come over to me and we could have some agonising small talk. Instead we exchanged a few awkward texts with him being polite but clearly not wanting to continue the messages. So we both sat with our friends, both of us probably thinking that our new partners were to our sides (mine was a friend), in a crowd of 70.000 people and I finally thought that this was the end to that chapter.

I had decided to take a marketing subject. I have no idea why, but it happened. The relationship that I was in was self destructing at a rapid rate and I was weeks away from leaving the jerk, who completely fucked me over. So while I was sitting in class concentrating/texting Sarah about the talent in my class, we played icebreakers and I was blown away with a man that was gorgeous. Years later I can describe him as the guy that plays Prince Oberyn in Game of Thrones. There is something about him that is incredibly sexy, with his cheeky smile and dark brown eyes.

The gorgeous Pedro Pascal...identical to my ex bf :(

The gorgeous Pedro Pascal…identical to my ex bf 😦

As my life was collapsing around me, I missed a couple of my marketing class and then the next time, got caught in the rain and looked like a drowned rat, things were not going my way. I entered the class and got placed in a group with the hottie from a few weeks previously. I giggled and text Sarah, to talk about my good fortune even though I looked terrible. We realised that we had a lot in common and he made me laugh. I tried to play the role of the smart and funny girl, so I impressed him with my knowledge of where he was from and my dry sense of humour. By the end of the class we had to write down everyone’s phone numbers. I was definitely going to attend the next week’s class. He would walk me to my next class and it was a lovely distraction from the pain I was going through. The next week after he walked me to my next class, I finally got up the courage to text him to be quiet, that I could hear him talking very loudly outside my classroom. That was when the texts started. At that stage, I had left my boyfriend and was living with my brother. I needed this. I needed to feel like I had something to offer someone else. I needed to feel worthy of someone else. This guy was gorgeous, our first date was a midnight walk on the beach. He would bring me flowers, we would laugh, we had a really strong connection and all of it scared the hell out of me. I would tell him that I didn’t want a boyfriend, but over the course of our whatever it was, I have never had someone love me more. He would call me his soul mate and strive to give me everything I wanted. At the start of our courtship he made out that I would never meet his brother, but soon enough, I was there constantly with all of them doting on me 🙂 He had an intensity for life and me that scared me. I knew that he really loved me and I loved him. But I was so badly bruised from my previous relationship, that I never gave him all of me. The different backgrounds that we came from were too much for me to overcome because even though he assured me we would work it out, I was broken from before. I couldn’t trust him to make it right and fight for me, after I had previously been kicked down over and over again. So after two years of being in whatever we were in, I let him go. In the worst possible fashion that I could have. I was a complete idiot to do what I did to him and regret it to this day. For my birthday, months later, he wrote me the most beautiful message, I still cry at the thought of the kind words that he still had for me. I did love him and if I had met him before my previous boyfriend, I believe that I would have married him. But that isn’t what happened and I wanted to write this, as our chapter is now closed and wanted to tell him, I am so sorry.